October 22, 2009
Today we conclude the October series on helping children cope with change in a positive way. I have suggested that there are things that parents can do to help alleviate the fear and anxiety that children frequently experience when changes occur.
Children often need more preparation than adults to get used to major changes. Even in Godly families, it is wise to expect some rough spots in times of major transition. What is a minor change to an adult, such as an adjustment in the schedule, may be a big deal to a child. And a boy or girl may not have the mechanisms for expressing their fear and anxiety about change, even to a much-loved parent, without help and encouragement.
In order to move from shock and denial, through anger, negotiating and even depression, into acceptance of change, there are some practical things that you as a parent can do:
- Allow plenty of time to discuss how your child’s life will be different with the change in effect. Children want to know how change will affect their world! Be honest.
- Encourage your child to ask questions and express fears. Ignorance does not foster acceptance. Share with your children as much information as is appropriate, understanding that not all details of the issue may be helpful for a child to know. Help them prayerfully exchange fear for peace, and a sense of loss for new purpose and hope.
- Look for children’s books that deal with major life changes for kids. Use the situations and characters in the book to help your children talk about their own feelings. If the books refer to prayer and trusting God, all the better!
- When big changes occur in your child’s life, keep some routines the same. Consistent morning, dinner and bedtime rituals can comfort children. Do not change things in a child’s world that can be left unchanged, if possible. Maintaining special interests or hobbies can be helpful.
- Do not expect a child’s stress response to be the same as your own. Elementary-age children may exhibit symptoms like withdrawal, feelings of being unloved, distrust, not focusing on school and having difficulty naming their feelings. Indicators that children are stressed are change in behaviors and regression of behaviors, such as thumb-sucking and bed-wetting. Children may worry about the future, complain of headaches or stomachaches, have trouble sleeping and have a loss of appetite.
- Show that you understand and care. Allow for opportunities to spend extra time together, Express closeness in words and actions. Place value on their feelings.
- Allow for friends and loved ones to help in the change process. As a parent, you cannot do it all. Let Christian peers or other caring adults help. A Godly grandparent may have the key to unlocking your child’s fear of change.
- Children must know that life is full of changes, and it will never be stress-free. But they can cope if surrounded by the love of godly parents, convinced that Jesus Christ will never let go of their hand, the One who is the same yesterday, today and forever.
Our program today is sponsored by our friends at the Tea and Gift Shop of Bemidji, where they invite you to slow down and enjoy a cup of tea.