February 4, 2010
During the month of January, I shared how children need deliberate, parental guidance to learn how to successfully make positive, God-honoring choices and develop the skills needed for mature, responsible behavior and adult decision-making. I urge you to go to our website, heartlandbemidji.org and listen again to those broadcasts, or download the transcripts for study.
In this first week of February, let’s examine the markers that you can be watching for that will indicate that the lessons for making good decisions are, in fact, being learned.
- First, are your children beginning to make age-appropriate decisions without undue parental prompting? Are you beginning to see some self-directed choices? That is a measure of success which should receive positive reinforcement.
- Second, are you seeing your son or daughter take personal responsibility for their decisions and the inevitable consequences? If you hear a boy or girl say, when faced with a setback, “that’s OK, it was my decision,” then you know you are on the right track.
- Then, are you seeing your child’s goals becoming realistic with achievable benchmarks? It is a skill to break large goals in smaller ones, and evaluate progress with eyes wide open.
- Mature goal-setting takes into account both the investment of time and sacrifice. When your child is able to willingly embrace that investment, and pay the price to make dreams into realities, then you are seeing a measure of decision-making success. Help them identify a godly hero or mentor that inspires them with their own struggles to overcome hardships by the power of God.
- When internal motivation is the driving force, and external praise or rewards are no longer essential, then your child has achieved much! When your child no longer asks for a prize for achievement, but reaching the goal becomes its own reward, then you can call their training successful.
- Finally, when goals are challenging, not guaranteed, and benefit others, not just self, then your work in godly decision-making will have produced both maturity and leadership in your child.
If you are dealing with more than one child, as with anything where children are concerned, do not assume that just because your plan and methods for teaching worked for one child, that it will necessarily work for their sibling. Each child will likely have a very different approach to attaining goals. Be patient, provide guidance, and give encouragement to each child in the manner in which they are most receptive.
You may now find yourself saying, “How can I teach goal-setting and positive decision-making to my children when I never really learned it myself?” Decide that now is the time to begin modeling the skills in your own life that you wish to see in theirs. Let them see you set your own achievable goals. Let them be a part of your success and struggles, as much as is appropriate for a child. Begin now to change how you make your own choices, with the power of God within you. Your example may be the key to giving your children a skill that you wished you had acquired as a child.
Our broadcast is sponsored by Friends of Heartland, urging you to consider Heartland Christian Academy for your educational choice next Fall.